#15 The Law

The office door opened and two policemen came in. They walked to Pam’s desk. She looked up and smiled.

“Can I help you?” she asked sweetly.

“Yes,” The tallest officer said, “We need to know if you have an employee named Humbert Hubert working here.”

“No,” Pam said, “What an unfortunate name. I’d remember that. No one by that name works here. Is there a problem?”

“Well,” the policeman answered, “We have a complaint by a few parents that their teens have been buying fake IDs from someone of that name and they said he works in this building.”

Pam smiled. “No sir, this person must work in a different office.”

Michael came out of his office and approached the cops.

“I give up!” he mocked raising his hand in surrender, “What do the gentleman in blue have to do in our office? Toby finally get busted for that threat of the President’s life?”

Dwight came out of the conference room and came over. The cops looked over at him and gave a nervous grin.

“I see you are here, Officer Delco and Officer Curtis.” Dwight said curtly, “Is there something that I can ascertain with your investigation? Should we prepare for any finger printing or body cavity searches?”

“Oh, hi Dwight.” Officer Curtis said dryly. Dwight glared at him. “I mean volunteer Officer Shrute, no, we have this under control. Besides I heard you had left your position?”

Dwight flushed slightly, “Well, yes, but I still have my skills.”

Dwight headshot: It was a little awkward, seeing the officers in my workspace. I feel I left on good terms. Police have a sixth sense and can smell guilt. That is why I was so good at law enforcement. I have the ability to smell guilt within a mile. I tried it out once. I had Mose steal something from the barn and hide. I could smell him immediately hiding near the septic tank. He reeked of guilt.”

Michael, tired of waiting, instructed Dwight to get back to work. Dwight puffed out his chest, saluted the officers and went to his desk. He reached under his desk to check to placement of the mace, Chinese stars and Num-chucks he had replaced after Toby had taken the old ones.
One of the officers addressed Michael, “Sir, we have a complaint that someone in this building has been selling fake identification to teenagers. They were seen at one time entering this building. We don’t have any real description because the teens are not being very forthcoming. It is a man and he says his name is Humbert Hubert.”

“You sure it isn’t Toby?” Michael wished aloud.

Michael Headshot: “This would solve all my problems! Toby gets arrested and the office becomes a more productive place. Our sales would increase. People could do their job without interruption. No distractions to keep us from work. We could actually become the top branch. Toby just causes too many problems.”

“No, Michael.” Pam said quickly, “I am sure Toby is not capable of that.”

“You don’t know what that man is capable of!” Michael said defensively.

Michael yelled for Toby. Jim having been sitting back and watching this scene, decided to intervene.

“Michael,” Jim said quickly, “I really don’t really think Toby is guilty of this. You will just start a lot of trouble.” Jim thought about it for a second. He looked at Pam and she gave his a secret smile. “But, then again Michael, maybe we should be thorough.”

Toby came over, hands in his pockets. He smiled over at Pam shyly. He looked at the policemen and then at a very eager Michael, “What’s up?”

Michael grabbed Toby’s wrist and thrusts him over towards the police, “Here you go Officers! Admit it Toby, you’re guilty!”

Toby pulled his hand away and rubbed his sore wrist, “What in the hell are you talking about!”

The Officers raised their hands up slightly, “Hey, hold on! We don’t want any problems here. We are just following a lead!”

Dwight stood, “Michael, I don’t think that Toby is capable of this heinous crime. I would have smelled his guilt.”

Creed walked over and joined the crowd.

“Oh, Hey Creed.” Officer Curtis said cheerfully, “Nice to see you.”

“Helloooo.” Said Creed lightly, “How is your son, John?”

“Fine, fine,” Officer Curtis said, smiling, “Josh loved that CD you loaned him with the guitar riffs.”

Creed headshot: “I give guitar lessons to a few of the police leagues teenage children. I find it helps to compensate my income. The police chief is a friend of mine from the old days. Busted me a few times for vagrancy and booze during my more hazy days. He was a big pot smoking hippie before he sold out to the Man.”

Creed smiled and took a piece of candy from the bowl at Pam’s desk. “What is the prob here?” He asked.

“Someone who works in this building has been selling fake I.D.s.” Officer Curtis said. Creed smiled, acknowledged them with nod and lazily walked back to his desk. He sat back and kicked his heels onto his desk. He worked quietly on his blog.

Michael, in desperation kept pushing Toby towards the cops. “You guys have to have something on this man! He is offensive and should be arrested for, for…something!”

Officer Curtis and Delco just smiled and walked towards the door. “Well, we obviously have the wrong office. We’ll check with some of the other offices.” The Officers headed towards the door. Michael watched deflated. He put his head down, pouted and went back to his office, slamming the door behind him.

Toby shook his head and walked back to his desk. Dwight watched Toby walk away suspiciously. He took a few notes on a memo pad at his desk.

Jim smiled at Pam and nodded towards the break room. He stood and walked towards the break room door. He passed the Annex. Kelly and Karen glared up at him. Andy came out of the room and gave him a big, cheesy smile. Andy walked towards the Annex and placed a Sneaker’s candy bar on Kelly’s desk.

“Kelly, I know you are a fan of the Sneaks. I accidently pushed the wrong number in the vending machinarino. You want it?”

Kelly smiled, “Sure, how much do I owe you?” She went for her purse.

“No problemo, lovely Indian temptress.” Andy grinned widely, “I believe beauty should never pay. It is a gift, from me to you!”

Andy Headshot: “I have decided Kelly should be my new amore. She is single again, now that Ryan dumped her. I’ve always had an attraction to dark skinned beauties. Light skin women give me the willies. They remind me of my own dear mother. She had a skin issues. Felt the sun would age her, so she never went out in the daylight. We had these thick velvet curtains that hid the sun. Until I was 14 and finally went to live with my Dad, I thought the sun would burn your retinas.”

Kelly blushed and smiled widely, “Oh, why thanks.” She looked sideways at Karen, who had stopped her work to watch the interaction. Kelly took the candy bar and batted her eyelashes at him.

Kelly Headshot: “OK, so he is a little weird. But after Ryan, I need someone who is a little nicer. A man can be weird and nice. Besides I like that he sings a lot. He smells nice too. Our babies would be able to sing in tune and smell nice. I hate stinky babies.”

Jim walked up to the soda machine and placed in a few quarter. Pam came into the break room and sidled up next to him, asking quietly, “How long should we keep up this secrecy.”

Jim placed his arm next to hers and softly stroked her fingers with his thumb. Pam felt a shiver run up her spine and she let out a little breath. Jim let ran his finger into the palm of her hand ran it in slow lazy circles. He said, looking over the soda choices in a quiet voice, “I am not the one who feels it has to be a secret. I say we go out there right now and I throw you over my desk and devour you in front of everyone.”

Pam blushed and looked down at his hand. She caressed his wrist, feeling the soft hairs and remembering their secret kiss that morning in the abandoned office next door. “A little more time, I just feel like I’m an ant under a magnifying glass when Karen looks at me.”

“We, on for bowling tonight?” Jim asked, “I would ask you on e-mail, but it’s so much cooler to ask you in person.”

“Of course,” Pam said, “I will bring my pink ball.”

“And, I of as usual will bring my Blue Balls.” Jim quipped.

Pam laughed and raised her eyebrows; she slapped him on the arm and smiling broadly, left the break room.

Dwight came in after she was gone. He walked up to Jim. “I think that maybe Michael’s right. I suspect that Toby is guilty of some grievous misgivings. I have decided to initiate an investigation.”

Jim looked serious, “You may be right, but you have to know that Toby is not his real name.”

Dwight surprised, raised his eyebrows, but acted as if he knew this information, “Well, yes…I know. You know that name he uses in...his malfeasance.”

Jim looked down, “You know the name, good. I don’t know how anyone could ever name their child that name. You need to go to the computer and research on the Internet anyone with that name. Let me know what you find.”

Dwight looked confused, “What name do you know Jim?” Dwight tried to remember if he had heard any other name Toby may have used. Nothing was coming to mind.”

Jim looked at Dwight, “I thought you knew the name?”

“Oh, I do!” Dwight said hurriedly, “But, I want to make sure we are both talking about the same thing.”

“We are,” Jim said quickly, looked around suspiciously and headed for the door. “Let me know what you find out.”

Dwight feeling a sense of urgency rushed to his desk and started to search on the Internet. Jim had never told him the name and he was too proud to ask him. He racked his brain to think of what Toby’s secret name would be.

Dwight headshot: I don’t know this name, but I can’t let Jim know I don’t know. I would find out from HR, but since Toby is in charge of HR, it would be pointless.”